Sometimes it Takes Courage to Kneel

I have had the impulse multiple times to write my thoughts on this subject but because I view this to be so personal I have chosen not to.  The problem is that I am seeing so many dear associates of mine who are struggling to understand current standings within our church that I feel I have to say something.

To question is human nature.  Whether you are of the same denomination or not we all question what our thoughts are in different aspects of life.  Why do we do this? Because it’s part of growth.  Even as a child “why” is a word that comes as an automatic question to come out of little ones.  We need to know why so we can understand how things work.  This can be a challenge when it involves others (whom we love) and their personal beliefs.  We don’t want them to pull away from us because we love them. 

I have often heard through my life that as members of the Mormon (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) faith that we are blind followers.  We are told what to do and we do it.  To say that that is not true would be a lie.  I do think that there are some who don’t really know where they stand on certain topics within the church but they have to hold on to the little thread of faith that they have in knowing what the church brings to their lives.  I have to admit that there have been times in which I have done this because faith is a process in which knowledge comes.

I have questioned many things within the church that I belong, and at times I have found that I had to lean on my husband’s testimony to get me through.  Mine just wasn’t strong enough to weather the storm of hatred.  But what I found, is that, for me, questioning was personal. 

You see, I needed to know for myself what was right.  So many opinions are like the game of telephone; by the end you are left with nothing but a mess.  So how does one get answers then?  Oh you can look to opposing articles if that’s what you’re looking for; or you could look to those who align with your beliefs for support and that might work for you.  What it comes down to, is that you will find what you are looking for… but what if the answer isn’t something you’re looking for?  For me I had to have the courage to kneel.  I had to be humble enough to get on my knees at a time in which I wasn’t even sure that there was a God and ask.  I had to take that seemingly simple step to go to my Father in Heaven.  But what if I didn’t get an answer?  What if I didn’t like the answer that I was given?  These were daunting and scary ideas, but isn’t that what faith is… work on things unseen?  If I didn’t get an answer right away I kept praying. 

This might seem so innocent minded or simple that it could never work.  But I can promise you it can and does.  Just like I am waiting for my kids to come to me so I can help them, so is your loving Heavenly Father waiting for you.  I know this to be true.  So why don’t you give it a try?

Tradition & Paper Flowers

I think it is normal to wonder if you’ve done a good job in raising your kids and there are moments in which you realize… I think I’m doing okay J I had one of those experiences today that changed me.

Halloween is my son’s favorite holiday. To him it is better than Christmas.  He has always been this way and has planned his costumes a year in advance.  Once one Halloween ends, he starts planning for the next year (he’s a funny guy).  But even with this he’s also a teen and teens love the craziness of socializing and look for opportunities at every corner.  But for some reason this year was different. I found him by himself a lot and there wasn’t much desire to “branch out” so to speak.  He finally had 2 days off of work on a weekend (which was unheard of) and he wasn’t out doing anything.  I started to worry, so I would say things like, “why don’t you texts some of your friends and see what they are doing?” and he would calmly say, “nah, I’m good.”  So then I’d try, “why don’t you find a girl to go on a date with and go to Cornbellies or something?”  and he’d follow up with the same, “nah, I’m good.” This phrase wasn’t working for me.

What was going on here?!? This is a boy who loves adventure and fun; and ps… Halloween is full of all that.  But he was also a boy that isn’t an open book.  He’s also a son that you have to pull away the layers to find out what he’s thinking.  He doesn’t talk about his feelings much, so after a brief moment of freak out I told all the kids to start working on their Saturday jobs and honed in on him.  I told him that I knew there was something going on and that I needed him to talk to me.  His eyes started to well up and he said, “It’s really hitting me mom. This is the last Halloween for a while with the family.”

For those of you that don’t know we are Mormons (LDS).  When boys reach the age of 18 or older they have the opportunity to serve a mission for our church.  My son turns 18 in November but still needs to finish his senior year before he goes.  You might ask, why would parents be okay with this?? Or you may ask, why would young men/young women choose this??  Well the reason for this is simple, because we love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the happiness that it brings to our lives.  We love it so much that we would love for others to find this same happiness.  I’m not going to lie, giving up my son for 2 years of his life is the hardest thing I have ever chosen to do.  I kind of like my kids.  I like having them around.  I like his teasing, joking way about him.  I like his smile. I like his laugh.  I like the special relationship we have been able to create over his 18 years of life.  He is a blessing and a joy.  But his desire to serve is real and his love of the gospel is real; and he is so excited for this great adventure that I can’t deny him. But that being said, even though he wants this great adventure doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for him… and me.

So back to my story… after his confession he said, “I don’t want to spend Halloween with anybody other than my family.  Those are the only people that matter.”  He was right.  I had let the busyness of the holiday lose my focus of what was really important.  It was time to regroup.  We called a family meeting to collect what was left of this Halloween.

In my room I have a flower collection that to most may seem really weird but to me it is a treasure.  I will NEVER throw this away because it is a reminder of what is most important and that is each other.  Life is fast and sometimes we will let it pass us by if we don’t choose to slow things down a bit.  I have put on the brakes this year and I will probably have to remind myself to do so again and again, but I hope when I see my flower collection it will remind me to keep the focus.